


A Message (The Gone You)

by EthelPhantom



Category: Code Geass
Genre: (The "Possible graphic depictions of violence" is just Suzaku talking about Lelouch's death), Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Confessions, Feelings, Gen, M/M, Possibly Graphic Depictions of Violence, Post-Canon, Post-R2, Post-Zero Requiem, Sad, Spoilers, but I'm not exactly sure so well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 00:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EthelPhantom/pseuds/EthelPhantom
Summary: Some months have passed, and Suzaku visits Lelouch's grave and goes through all the moments that led them to the bad ending they had. He finally breaks under the pain he has suppressed for longer than he should have. Could there be something Lelouch has not taken away from him but left for him as comfort after all?





	A Message (The Gone You)

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes from the actual series were taken from the Code Geass wiki or the English sub the anime had in Netflix.

“If only we hadn’t tried to obtain it all…. This wouldn’t have happened…”, Suzaku muttered, watching two graves. He read the carved writings on the tombstones, ‘Suzaku Kururugi, the Knight of Zero’, and next to it there was ‘Lelouch vi Britannia, the 99th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire’. It was a wonder Nunnally had gotten him too a grave this neutral, no mention of him being called a demon.

 

_He pulled the sword out of his friend’s chest, and watched him take a few steps to edge of the stage of his throne. He fell down and slid down the ramp, leaving a trail of blood on it. Suzaku heard Cornelia yelling that the Demon Lelouch was now dead and that his prisoners should be freed, and then the crowd started chanting Zero’s name. He kept his composure, even though he felt like breaking down and screaming and crying. After all, he had now lost his best friend and worst enemy. He didn’t know what was worse, living as Zero, never as himself again, or having lost his best friend who had killed Euphie and ordered so many more deaths. Maybe both was just as bad. A quiet, tearful whisper of “If not for your plan, I wouldn't be watching you fall down slowly dying and you wouldn't be now gone” left his lips. Tears stained his cheeks, but still he stood up proud, like he hadn’t killed the one he held the most dear. He heard the sorrowful cries of Nunnally who had understood her brother’s self destructive plan. He knew Lelouch would smile, now that he had finally destroyed the world and created it anew. He knew the smile wouldn’t be that of a happy person, but a smile of a person who has finally made the world a place his loved ones could live happily and in peace in._

 

_"Big brother…? No… You mean...everything you've done until now? Big brother! I love you!", he heard Nunnally cry, it broke his heart, but no one else seemed to see how cruel it was, cheering for the death of the weeping girl’s brother._

 

“You were the one whose downfall I would have watched, trusting you to get up again, weren’t you?”, he asked the grave before his eyes, talking as though there was a possibility he could hear Lelouch’s voice answering him. “And I was the one whose name you would have stained, clearing it for me once again, weren’t I? You did it, actually, so why aren’t you here anymore?”

 

His voice cracked as he spoke, finally the pain reaching up to him. He fell to his knees, breaking down crying. “You were the one I was supposed to be with, from that moment on through the eternity! Where are you now?!” He squeezed the flower he had brought to the grave in his hands. He couldn’t accept the loss after all they had gone through. His tears burned in his eyes, they felt hot on his cheeks.

 

“I was the one you always loved no matter what from the moment we met until now, right?! We went through so much but you were always worried how it’d affect me, you trusted me to take care of Nunnally even when we had become enemies, after I’d betrayed you, so why would you be gone now? Why are you allowed to die when your geass still forces me to live?!”

 

He screamed at nothing of his agony and feelings, knowing this was the only day he could do so. Nunnally had left to have fun with her remaining living siblings, and given the day off for everyone else in the palace. His and Lelouch’s tombstones were put in a garden Nunnally had reserved for herself in the palace, to make sure her brother’s and Suzaku’s graves would be next to each other and remain untouched. He was grateful for that.

 

_Suzaku shot the mask of Zero, and watched in horror as it cracked and split into two pieces, revealing Lelouch. He felt like something punched him in the gut, either for not accepting Lelouch being Zero and arresting him earlier, or for Zero being Lelouch, understanding he had actually tried to kill his best friend for countless of times, how his best friend had killed Euphie. He aimed his gun at Lelouch, seeing the other do the same. At this point he believed Kallen had already run away. He heard Lelouch shout or possibly scream his name in anger, and he did the same. He felt betrayed._

 

_He remembered turning Lelouch in to his asshole of a father, betraying him, letting him erase his memories. He remembered Lelouch coming to him, begging Suzaku to save and take care of Nunnally, the light of his world. He remembered Schneizel having his men come and take Lelouch away, making Lelouch believe Suzaku had betrayed him again. For some reason Lelouch’s screams hurt Suzaku more than he would have wanted them to._

 

“If only we hadn’t betrayed each other we’d still be on the same side…” Suzaku put his hands in the pockets of Zero’s outfit, and was surprised to find a letter inside them. He was sure it hadn’t been there a day earlier. Or, maybe he was going insane for having killed Lelouch, the one person besides Nunnally and Euphie he had sworn to protect.

 

“And I’m sure we would not know of the insanity and tragedy this destroyed love gave us”, he said to no one, hugging his chest. He tried to ignore the lump in his throat, not exactly crying anymore, even though tears were still spilling from the corners of his eyes.

 

_“You are the one and only person whose hands I will trust my life to from now on, Lelouch. I’m still sure I shouldn’t. But I will, because you’re the last person I’ll serve as a knight after this”, he said, and heard his friend chuckle._

_“I promise I will do my best to protect you until my last breath”, Lelouch said smiling. “And I must say, after all the evil we’ve seen, all the betrayals we’ve faced, I still trust in you. I trust you’ll take care of Nunnally should anything happen to me. Believe me, there’s nothing that could waver my faith in you anymore. After all, you are my first friend, you’re my one true friend, you’re my best friend, and most likely you’ll be my last too.”_

 

_Suzaku smiled and embraced the raven haired emperor, only letting go out of pure surprise when he heard an “I love you, Suzaku” escaping his lips._

_“What did you say? I’m not sure if I understood”, he said flustered, and got to see Lelouch embarrassed, slight blush now colouring his cheeks._

_“I said, I love you, you idiot. I’m in love with you, Suzaku. I’ve gone and hopelessly fallen in love with my best friend”, he repeated embarrassed, and turned his head to side, looking down._

_Suzaku blushed a bit more than Lelouch, and smiled. “I love you too, Lelouch.”_

 

Suzaku started crying again at the memory of the confessions. “I was the one whose hands took it all from us, ending our tragic story, even if it was what you asked me to do”, he cried, tears overflowing again. He was sure that one day he’d have no tears left to shed. That day would be the one that would tell of him finally going mad from the agony and sorrow, surely.

 

_“Suzaku, you have to kill me. You must promise, my friend.”_

_“You’re going through with this? No matter what?”_

_"As planned, the hatred of the whole world is directly upon me and now the only thing that remains is to get rid of me and finally break the cycle of hatred. The legend of Zero isn't dead. It lives within the hearts of the Black Knights. Schneizel will serve Zero also. With this the world will gather not for an exchange of force but an exchange of open dialog around one table. Mankind will be able to move forward into the future."_

_"And that."_

_"Yes, is the Zero Requiem."_

 

_Suzaku accepted the helmet and the responsibility Lelouch gave him. He wasn’t completely sure why he did that, because it pained him to know that he wouldn’t be able to spend eternity with Lelouch, although they loved each other. Although they had finally put their past mistakes behind them. Why was he surprised, he knew neither of them deserved a happy ending after everything. Neither deserved to live with each other happily again._

 

“You were the one I still love so much, even as it pains me all over again”, he sneered, shoulders dropping, last bit of him looking like Zero besides his outfit fading away. He had no pride left, his posture gone, his tears had stained his cheeks completely. The outfit felt like it was trying to choke and crush him. Suzaku felt the weight Lelouch had carried with him on his shoulders, felt the curse of being Zero finally set upon him. It would be harder than ever to keep his chin up from now on, to continue being the symbol of peace to all the people. What symbol of peace, he thought, I killed a person I loved. What kind of a symbol of peace does that?

 

_Suzaku ran through the bullets that were aimed to hit him, jumped over Jeremiah and then Nunnally, ran all the way to Lelouch, who he was sure he saw smirking for a short while. He saw Lelouch take out his gun for the show, but Suzaku hit it from his hand with his sword. He took his position, ready to pierce Lelouch’s heart, just like he had asked him to. He penetrated his friend’s, his lover’s chest, going through his heart, and felt it come out on the other side. Lelouch leaned towards Suzaku, raised his bloodied hand to the helmet and placed his hand on his chin. The pain Suzaku felt for doing it felt like someone had pierced his heart as well._

 

_“The punishment for what you've done shall be this then; you will live on, always wearing that mask serving as a knight for justice and truth. You will no longer live your life as Kururugi Suzaku. You shall sacrifice the ordinary pleasures of your life for the benefit of the world, for eternity.” Suzaku cried at Lelouch’s words, because he knew they would be the last he would hear from his lover’s mouth ever again._

_“This Geass I do solemnly accept, my first and dear friend.” He knew Lelouch heard the broken words he was able to utter._

 

_Then he pulled his sword out of Lelouch’s chest, who fell down the ramp. “I was the one you loved so much you trusted me to execute your tragic plan until the end”, he murmured, sneering sorrowfully at the word ‘execute’. First it was the quietest while he had ever come to see, he was sure, but then the cheering just exploded._

 

_He watched the symbol of hatred, his lover, die, the crowd cheer, and Nunnally cry. It might have been the cruelest moment he had had to watch, even more cruel than when Lelouch had shot Euphemia._

 

 _“Big brother!! It’s not fair! All I needed to be happy was to be with you! Big brother!_ **_Big brother_ ** _!! How can I face the future without you?”, the small brunette girl cried, breaking Suzaku’s heart, but he couldn’t go down and comfort her, because he was both her brother’s killer and Zero, who was not supposed to feel any regret for killing the enemy of the world. He was supposed to be Zero, the messiah that frees the world from its tendency for hatred. From the Demon Emperor Lelouch._

 

Suzaku got up, bowed one final time for Lelouch, his grave, and left. “Farewell, Your Majesty. I wish the Gods will let us be reborn and meet each other again”, he said softly while walking. The curly haired boy opened the letter, reading it. He felt the tiniest smile grow on his face. Maybe he could convince himself Lelouch would watch him from wherever he was and comfort himself with it.

  


**_My dear Suzaku,_ **

 

**_I believe I’m dead by the time you read this letter,_ **

**_as I put it in a pocket of an outfit you wouldn’t most_ **

**_likely use or try on before killing me._ **

 

**_I’m glad you followed my wishes to the end, even though_ **

**_I believe it was not easy, it wasn’t easy for me to let go_ **

**_of you, not when I knew my_ ** **_feelings weren’t unrequited, when_ **

**_I knew I would have to bid my first friend adieu._ **

**_If this letter can comfort you even in the slightest,_ **

**_please read it whenever you’re feeling down._ **

 

**_Even so, I wish the world has finally become a_ **

**_place you, Nunnally, everyone can live in peace._ **

**_I wish you aren’t blaming yourself for_ **

**_what I asked you to do._ **

 

**_And if you feel bad for betraying me,_ **

**_don’t. I forgive you, I have forgiven you_ **

**_a long_ ** **_time ago, so I hope you can_ **

**_forgive me as well._ **

 

**_Just, please, always remember that I love you._ **

**_I have always loved you. I apologise_ **

**_for betraying and hurting you. I did my best to_ **

**_pay you and the world I wronged back for everything._ **

**_It was never truly my intention to hurt you._ **

 

**_I hope we’ll see each other again._ **

**_Maybe, just maybe there’s a god out there that_ **

**_will grant that wish even for the pathetic me that does_ **

**_not_ ** **_deserve such blessings._ **

**_Let's meet again in the next life, my love._ **

 

**_I’ll be watching you from wherever I am now._ **

 

**_I love you._ **

 

**_Sincerely Yours,_ **

**_Lelouch vi Britannia_ **

  
  


**_♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️_ **

  
  


**_Fight fear for the selfish pain_ **

**_It was worth it every time_ **

**_Hold still right before we crash_ **

**_'Cause we both know how this ends_ **

**_Our clock ticks till it breaks your glass_ **

**_And I drown in you again_ **

 

**_‘Cause you are the piece of me_ **

**_I wish I didn’t need_ **

**_Chasing relentlessly_ **

**_I still fight and I don’t know why_ **

 

**_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_ **

**_If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?_ **

****

**** **_~Clarity by Zedd_ **

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this little something I wrote, as it's the first Code Geass fic I have written. I hope I did justice for the amazing series. I've been in a post-R2 (or, post- Re; ) depression for the past two weeks, and so I have ended up writing like 9 or so songs, a fanfic and drawn fanart to cope with the ending. It was absolutely amazing but it seems I can't accept Lelouch's death even though that's canonical and he's surely dead. 
> 
> Anyway, come to talk to me in my [tumblr](https://ethelphantom.tumblr.com/)!


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